How ridiculous does that sound, I mean is it something you plan, a malicious pre-meditated act? Surely it just happens? Imagine finding out, I mean your spouse cheating is one thing, but the fact that they consciously decided to must surely make it worse; it’s as though they spent time searching for a candidate, or pursuing a specific person, knowing full well that when something happened it would ruin everything, either that or the philanderer was so deceitful that they planned to lie to their significant other for evermore, carrying out a double life with another lover, with the obstinate belief that they would never be caught (thus making the aforementioned act justifiable?)
The strangest thing is I love my husband. Very much in fact; we’ve been together for 12 years, and he’s a lovely man, kind and decent to his peers, good for a laugh, and has an appropriate competitive streak, great for the occasional argument (I always found it disappointing to argue with somebody who didn’t retaliate with an equal standard), and we still have a very passionate (sometimes inappropriately so,) love life.
So in all honesty I have absolutely no justification for feeling the urge to stray. Perhaps I'm just a horrible person? Not content enough with my own virtually perfect life that I feel the need to push to a point that requires reparation. Or perhaps this has something to do with the cute blond, with a mischievous smile, and all the inherent male qualities I know to be bad. When he touched me, I thought nothing of my long-standing relationship, my happy life, but just of him, there, sat next to gently caressing my thigh, my hand casually placed close to his crotch, my body yearning to do more...
It wasn’t planned then, that just happened, that just sent a thousand potential moments of him and me together spiralling through my mind, overpowering my other thoughts. And each of those imaginary moments, potent to destroy everything I could never imagine losing; I couldn’t leave my husband, I don’t want to and nobody could ever replace him. I just… perhaps, wish that I could have more than the fantasy; the reality of this new exciting blond guy, exploring my very being, it’s not just the lust of course, but the very fact that I would be deceiving someone, hiding something completely and utterly from the rest of the world, having a stolen moment of time, of utter euphoria, with a forbidden love.